Talking to Your Teen about Sex: The Internet’s Not Going to Do It for You

My “sex talks” with my mother, delivered in separate installments during my tween and teenage years, were relatively angst-free: no awkward pauses, no furious blushing, and (thank goodness) no hand-drawn pictures.  From various reliable sources (namely, my friends and TV sitcoms), I gather that this is the exception rather than the norm, and that many parents dread the day they'll have to talk to their teen about sex.   Now that adolescent use of the Internet is nearly universal, I can also imagine some of these parents silently praying that their teens will get much of the information they need from the web, allowing parents to fulfill their educational duty with only a quick “Wait ‘til you’re ready and try to use a condom,”  and an awkward hug. 

Sorry, parents.  You’re not off the hook.  A recent US study found that although teens are widely active in their Internet use (think Facebook and video games), they’re seldom using the web to get information about sexual health.  The study also found that even on the rare occasions that students do use the Internet for Sex Ed purposes, they don’t really trust the information they receive, especially if it doesn't mesh with what they've heard from other sources.  

Who are these other sources?   You, mostly.   According to the study authors, Dr. Rachel K. Jones and Dr. Anne E. Biddlecom, “Teens were more likely to trust (in order) family members (usually parents), school, medical professionals, and friends for sexual health information.” 

So what does this mean for you, as a parent or role model in a teen’s life?     

• First, the Internet is not effectively supplementing your teen’s knowledge of topics like contraception and abstinence.   If this doesn't seem problematic to you because you’re counting on your child’s school to cover these topics in health class, think again.  According to the study, school-based sexual health education has declined over the last decade.     
• Secondly, your kid relies on you as their most trustworthy source of sexual health information.   Take a moment to be flattered by that, then read on for how you can step up to the sexual education plate.

How can we take what we learned from this study and apply it in our daily lives?

• Talk to your teen about sex, rather than avoiding the subject and hoping they’ll go elsewhere for information.  If you could use some tips on how to broach the subject and how to handle the questions you might receive, sites like this one from the Mayo Clinic might help. 
• Educate your teen on how to use the Internet to answer their sexual health questions.  Be sure to discuss with them what sort of resources are available on the web, and what websites offer the most accurate information.  Websites like sexetc.org and iwannaknow.org are great educational sites, and are designed specifically for teens.
•  Above all, let your teen know that they can come to you with any questions or concerns they might have, and that the two of you can work together to get the answers they need.

Citation: Rachel K. Jones & Ann E. Biddlecom (2011): Is the Internet Filling the Sexual Health Information Gap for Teens? An Exploratory Study, Journal of Health Communication: International Perspectives, 16:2, 112-123

Lindsay Allen, MA, is working toward her PhD in public health economics at Emory University.  She enjoys dancing in socially unacceptable places (e.g., crowded elevators) and rooting for her beloved Philadelphia Eagles.  She remains optimistic that once she completes her doctoral program, she’ll again have the time to enjoy these activities in abundance.